January 17, 2019

Date: January 2019

Our first TrufElle Book Club meeting dug deeply into the complexities of infidelity in both modern relationships and historically. Perel attempts to explore infidelity without judgement, reviews numerous case studies and shows the perspectives of all parties involved in affairs, including the reasoning, hurt and pain. Discussions among our intimate group were candid and provocative with a touch of humour, discovery and reflection. Over tapas and wine, we explored moral views on infidelity, what constitutes cheating, and if someone can romantically love more than one person. This group shared stories, views and new perspectives which helped us all grow and consider the complexities around this topic.

More Information: We are planning our next book club meeting in the Spring. Let us know if you would like to be updated on this event. Maximum group size: 10
Attendance for Book Club events is limited and by invitation only. If interested please contact us.

Attendees chose their own nicknames. Here’s what they have to say:

Question 1: What is your morale on Cheating?
Boris: – We used to have parties where everyone flirt with everyone, it’s offensive if someone doesn’t flirt with your wife.
– Can’t talk about cheating as it’s not a nice Catholic way
– My view is “ What you focus on expands in your heart”

Dragonheart – I can’t see a definite right or wrong.
– I was in a dream, I was taught to stay a virgin until I get married, then stay with that person until the end of my life.
– I was that person they told me to be until I got married, then I am no longer the person that he fell in love with after I got married.
– We are not meeting the need of each other.

Euonia – I see a double standard, I can’t stand it when he cheats, but I am starting to feel okay if I cheat
– I get blamed for cheating anyways, so I am starting to think, should I just cheat?

Anastasia- I went to being judgmental about cheating, to I can’t really judge anyone anymore, everyone has their own story and reasons.
-“ It doesn’t matter where you get your appetite as long as you go home to eat”

Aluap: – I am fascinated about the psychology about cheating, we have an agreement that I might cheat but I am not going to tell him. And he’s okay with that

Question 2: Can love be plural
Boris – Lots of people confuse love and need. Love is for the other, need is a love to get something for yourself.

Kasey: – Compersion – I want to see them be loved.
– Love is the ability to want them to be better
– Need is wanting them to change for me, with a personal gain.

What is your definition of Cheating
There are no conversation
There is always the burden of openness
Millennials doesn’t see cheating as an issue anymore because their view on monogamy is changing.
We don’t want to be monogamous anymore, sex is easy, intimacy is hard.

Aluap: They do not have affairs, they cheat

Question 3: What is your famous Quote from the book
Casey: – Wedding ring is the heaviest piece of metal ever
– What we expect from our partner during marriage is a huge burden from the other person. We seek everything and everything we want on that
one person, and for years and even a lifetime.